From the moment I found out Wesley would be going to Italy,
I cried. I cried hard. Every. Day. I cried for the things that could happen to
him (that probably wouldn’t). I cried for the places and people I wouldn’t see.
I cried for the lack of control I had for his well-being (for some reason I
felt I could make sure the pilot was as careful as he could be just by being a
passenger. Hilarious, I know). I cried for the food I wouldn’t get to eat.
I grieved.
I grieved for a lost husband that I still could hold. I
grieved for a little girl who wouldn’t know how great her father is. I grieved
for the culture I wouldn’t see. I grieved for the people I wouldn’t get to hug
(I love to hug and cuddle, and I hear Italy is the place to go if you love
being close to people). I grieved for the History I wouldn’t see and feel with
my hands. I grieved for ridiculous (some more than others) reasons.
I prayed.
I prayed Philippians 4 every day. I read Philippians 4 every
day. I wanted that passage to be ingrained into my being. I wanted to only
think about Jesus’ peace. I wanted only Jesus’ peace. I wanted Jesus’ strength.
I needed Jesus’ strength.
When the time came to drop Wesley off at the airport I
thought I would lose it. I thought I would need to pull over and cry because I
wouldn’t be able to see the road. I thought I wouldn’t be able to breathe from
snot bubbles bursting (this happens to you too!). I thought I wouldn’t be able
to eat or enjoy anything this week.
I was wrong.
I was wrong about everything. Jesus sent His peace. I took
all of my worries and prayed about them. It was (and still is) the most amazing
feeling. When I dropped him off I was fine. Fine. Not one single tear dropped
from my eyes. It was amazing. It was freeing. It was peace. It was Jesus.
“6 do
not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with
thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all
understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus… 13 I
can do all things through him who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:6-7, 13
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